Dementia Presents: 'Ransom'
by Cherry Flavored Arsenic
Summary: Once again you find yourself in the endless halway of doors. Yes, it is time for another twisted tale. Zim kidnaps Gaz and gets stuck in the desert. This one is very strange indeed....
1. Ransom

Dementia Presents: 'Ransom' With You're Host: Daft Plushie  
  
[Camera enters black abyss and you see nothing...NOTHING! It moves slowly forward and you start to see a light. As the camera moves towards the light, several things pass you by. Dib's head floats past you from the left and disappears at your right. A giant flower with sharp teeth snaps at you as it passes you to the right. You move slowly forward, the light at the end of the tunnel is growing larger, glowing with an eerie white light. Keef floats past you, upside-down, holding a frying pan and waving. The light grows larger, Three fake looking alien things that look like plastic float past you to the left in a triangular pattern. The camera has almost reached the wide, white light when....A PAIR OF UNDERWEAR! float past you, almost hitting you! You are hit with the stink lines though... The light at the end of the tunnel swallows you whole and you see nothing but white this time.  
  
When the camera focuses you find yourself standing in a familiar place. An endless hallway, doors filling every side. A neon sign glows to your left as the camera moves over to focus on the door. Standing at the door is Daft, wearing the same outfit as last time, the black coat over the white shirt with black jeans and shoes. You begin to wonder if she ever changes when you notice something in her hand. The camera closes in on it and focuses. You see it's a brain, and it's all, slimy n'...stuff.... The camera backs away and focuses again on Daft who stands there, one hand behind her back, the other holding the slimy brain and staring straight ahead into the camera with a devious look to her eyes.]  
  
Welcome again to Dementia. Tonight is yet another night of twisted humor in a dark world that is really part of some greater being's mind. Yes, Brains, the force behind us all, well, except the taco guy. Tacos are the force behind his being....  
  
[Daft looks at the brain and squeezes it slightly, goo dripping out of it to fall on the floor. You start to wonder if Daft's lost it, because you figure who ever wrote this and put her in charge of hosting has got to be crazy.]  
  
Brains can be found in almost every living, moving, squishy being. They come in all sizes, depending on what size the creature was that it was taken out of. They can be squishy, slimy, or they can be dried up and unused. In cases of dead people, they can be rotted, this could also be the case for the brain that we're in now...Brains can be very powerful tools if you unlock the secrets and use them wisely.  
  
[You wonder if this has a point to it. Suddenly Dib pops up on screen and grabs the brain away from Daft who has begun poking it. He runs off leaving Daft with a slimy hand and an astonished look. She recovers, wipes her hand on her jacket and continues, placing both hands behind her back once again.]  
  
Yes, Brains do many wonderful things. They work very well if you use them correctly, which isn't the case in tonight's tale. Come now, follow me through this strange door into the unknown depths of this rotted and utterly insane brain....come and witness what happens when you do not use your brain to the full extent when planning things....  
  
[The camera focuses on the door as Daft opens it and the world goes black again. When the camera re-focuses, you can see a vast lair full of technical gadgets. A small green alien is sitting in an odd shaped chair staring at a screen. The story is as follows...........]  
  
Zim cursed loudly as he threw himself down on an oddly shaped chair and stared at the screen. He watched as the Dib worm's father, the proclaimed scientist whom without the world would fall into peril walked up on the screen to announce his new invention. Zim watched with interest, always excited to see what new thing the humans had created to try and better themselves. Zim wondered if this new device Professor Membrane held up for the press could mysteriously 'malfunction' and end humanity as we know it. Zim chuckled to himself at the thought of single-handedly wiping out the Earth. Oh, how the Tallest would praise him!  
  
Professor Membrane began to speak about his newest invention and how it would be able to set up defenses with just a push of a button and also launch small household missiles when terrorists finally decided to attack with nuclear war heads and whatnot. Zim leaned forward, becoming amazed with such a tiny device. It was perfect. Yessss...he would steal one of those, rewire it and use it to blow everyone up while they slept at night by sending signals to the other remotes and making them malfunction. Yes. But how would he get one of those things before the rest of the humans did?  
  
"Yes, these little babies will be hard to find for about a year or so, considering that there are only three in existence right about now and we have yet to produce more. But when they do hit stores, I'm sure that there'll be such a rush to get them that thousands of people will be left bruised, bloody, and broken in the process of stampeding the malls to grab one. But that doesn't matter. I guess the only way that anyone could obtain one of these things is if they were to steal it from my highly guarded house or kidnap one of my kids for ransom...."  
  
Zim leapt out of his chair! INGENIOUS! Yes, he would go to the house and steal them all. Why not? They could make more. If he couldn't get to them, then he would just kidnap someone from there and run, leaving a ransom note. Ha! Zim ran to his computer to print out a ransom note just in case. He gathered up supplies to sneak in there at night, including a cloaking device that actually cloaked him and his stuff, and headed out to grab these mighty weapons.  
  
"Where ya gooooooooin'?" Gir said as Zim walked past the couch. "On a mission Gir. Stay home and guard the base." Zim ordered.  
  
Zim reached for the door, thought better of it and turned around.  
  
"Never mind Gir, come with me, I need someone to watch the ship while I sneak in." "CHEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!" "Yes...cheese...Come Gir!"  
  
Gir hopped up, spilling brainfreezey all over the couch and followed Zim up to the Voot Cruiser where they loaded in and took of, disguising themselves as a giant whale. Once they were hovering over the Membrane household, Zim turned on his cloaking device and gave Gir instructions.  
  
"Now listen Gir. This is important. You sit here and make sure we aren't too obvious. If Dib sees you from outside, call me, and do it quickly. Other than that, just get ready to fly away in a hurry." "Yes my Master!" Gir said turning red temporarily. "Good. Stay here and watch out...I shall be back very very very SOON!"  
  
Zim leapt out of the ship and onto the roof. He waited for a response from inside, but in hearing none, he went ahead and slid down the roof to a level area and walked around. Using inferred lenses, Zim was able to tell where everyone was in the house. He scanned for the devices with his computer goggles. They were in the lab. Zim craftily snuck into one of the open windows that was conveniently opened for him. Finding himself in the disgusting Dib's room, he quickly slid out into the hall, listening for people. They should be in the kitchen, and the lab door was down the stairs. Zim slid down the stairs silently, unknown to him, his cloaking device had malfunctioned and left him unprotected from the naked eye.  
  
Just as Zim reached for the knob of the lab, Gaz, Dib, and Professor Membrane walked out from the kitchen to get back to what they were doing before they ate. Zim froze. Gaz was playing her GS2, Dib grumbling about not being crazy, and Professor Membrane coming back to work in the lab, ignoring the further presence of his kids. Zim froze, sure that if he didn't make a sound that he wouldn't be noticed. Suddenly they all stopped in their tracks and stared at Zim. Zim stared back wondering if they could smell or feel him. Dib opened his mouth to say something, his eyebrows raised and his finger pointing when he just stopped and shook his head. Professor Membrane stared down at him for a moment before raising an eyebrow. Gaz went back to her game, grunting.  
  
"Hmm...you look familiar...OH YES! I remember now, you're Dib's little friend, the alien. I never did catch what country you're from. How'd you get in?" "Geeze Zim, how pathetic. Is this another one of you're amazing 'Irken Cloaking Devices'?" "Wait...HOW DID YOU KNOW IT WAS MEEEEEEEEE???"  
  
Zim panicked. Surely something had gone wrong and he had become exposed! They would know exactly why he was there! Then they'd catch him and Professor Membrane would conduct an autopsy, being the scientist that he was, and Dib would wind! Noooooo! He couldn't loose! He couldn't' let his mission go to waste. He whipped out the note, shoved it in Professor Membrane's face and grabbed the nearest person next to him. He really didn't care who it was, right about now it could be Dib for all he cared. Zim leapt up stairs, out the window and into the Voot Cruiser, throwing the person in the back and taking off, flying not to his base, but somewhere where they'd never look...DEATH VALLEY! He put the cruiser on warp speed and flew there almost in an instant. Zim slowed the vehicle, but it was too late, it slammed into the side of a cliff. Zim screamed as the Voot Cruiser tumbled down to smash into the ground.  
  
Zim pulled himself up and drug himself out of the Voot Cruiser, groaning as Gir hopped around on his head screaming about something Zim couldn't understand. The hostage! Zim hoped that whoever it was, they were ok, because if they weren't, then there went his plan. Zim looked through the wreckage for the hostage, finding only wreckage. Where had they gone? Oh no! There went his whole plan! Plus, to top it all off, he was stranded out in the middle of the desert with only Gir and his resources to keep him alive. No! He would survive this!  
  
"Yes! I shall survive this! I will not let the Tallest down. So what if my ship's crashed in the middle of nowhere? I can make it home with my SUPERIOR INTELLIGENCE!" "Shut Up..."  
  
Zim whipped around to find Gaz sitting on a rock with her arms crossed looking at him intently. Zim opened his mouth to say something, but then shut it, thinking better of it.  
  
"That's right, shut up. Now how are you supposed to take me home? huh? Think fast before I'm forced to hurt you with something inanimate...."  
  
"I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. I have kidnapped you to bend you're father to my will so that he will HAVE to give me that little....thingy....that blows stuff up n'....stuff.....HE WILL BE SO SAD THAT HE'LL HAVE TO GIVE IT TO ME....ZIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
"You really have no clue do you?"  
  
"Ahem, I think I'm the kidnapper here...Why don't you shut up and plead for you're life...."  
  
Gaz raised an eyebrow, "Yeah, make me."  
  
"Fine! If you don't shut up, pathetic Stick worm, then you shall be subjected to the worst torture imaginable! GIR!!!"  
  
Gir hops up to him and salutes, "Yes, Master...."  
  
"The Doom Song Please...."  
  
"You're kidding, right?" Gaz said.  
  
"No! Feel the DOOM!"  
  
"Doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom, doom....."  
  
Zim started to laugh maniacally as Gaz sat there and stared at him menacingly. Gir hopped around singing the Doom Song merrily until he caught sight of Gaz's eyes. He stopped and started to roll about. Zim stopped laughing and frowned.  
  
"Fine. Well, still, they'll be here any day to deliver the devices and then I'll take you home."  
  
~Three Days Later~  
  
"Eeeeeeehhhhh...." Zim groaned as he lay in the blistering sun, withering away.  
  
Gir was still rolling around singing a strange little song that seemed to anger Gaz every time she heard her name. Gaz sat on the rocks still, arms crossed, eyes squinted shut, growling at Gir's impudence. She hadn't moved since Zim found her there. Zim groaned, not thinning straight anymore, half mad with hunger and with Gir's song in his head. He tried to focus on the words, but found he couldn't.  
  
"Little Filler Bunny, hopping' through the forest, picking' up all the little sour people and giving' them rides to the Happy Seedling's Farm...Thing.....Then along came the Little Gaz...Thing, and this is what she said, 'Little Filler Bunny, Give me a ride to it and if you don't, I'll shove a rusty spoon up you're nose and give you a free frontal lobotomy.'" He sang, angering Gaz at his noise.  
  
"Shut up already..."  
  
Zim rolled over, getting a mad idea in his head.  
  
"Wait! I know! There's a highway over there somewhere! We can go over there and hitch hike our way to my lair! Heh, heh, heh...Yessss...it's perfect! COME GIR! COME HUMAN STINK SACK!"  
  
Zim leapt up and grabbed Gaz by the arm and Gir and drug them across the desert to the highway, only about a few hundred feet away. By the time they got there, Gaz was angered and Gir was singing another song even more annoying. Gaz yanked her hand away from Zim as they stood by the roadside. Zim stuck out his thumb. Nothing came. After a while of this, he sat down and thought some. Everyone in the movies stuck out their legs to get a ride...maybe that would work here!  
  
"Gaz! As my hostage, I order you to stick out you're leg and get us a ride!"  
  
"No! Never! You can stick out YOUR OWN LEG!" Gaz yelled, turning away with her arms crossed.  
  
"But...."  
  
Gaz turned back to glare her Death Glare at him and he backed up a bit before giving in.  
  
"Fine." Zim said sticking his leg out, "I guess I'll have to save the day myself."  
  
"Shut up..."  
  
Zim stood there with his leg sticking out in the road waiting the service of the car that was supposed to roll up and give them a ride. After a while, Zim's leg went numb and he pulled it back in. He turned to yell at Gaz and make her stick her leg out when a big semi passed them by. Zim turned around and cried out as the semi left. He became angry and stuck his leg out again. Nothing. When he pulled it in, two more semi trucks went by. Gir screeched merrily as one honked at him. Zim growled and cursed.  
  
"You have to do it now! It's your turn! YOU STICK YOUR LEG OUT OR I SHALL BE FORCED TO KILL YOU! THEN YOU'LL NEVER GET TO GO BACK HOME TO YOUR LOVING FAMILY!" Zim yelled frustrated.  
  
Zim opened his eyes from squeezing them shut as he yelled to meet Gaz's angry eyes as she swung Gir towards him. She hit him with such force that darkness soon settled over his eyes and he became unconscious. The last thing he saw was Gaz standing over him looking at him angrily. When he came to, he found Gir playing in a giant sand castle he had made while Zim was out. Gaz, who had caught a ride in a creepy, old, black hearse, was no where in sight. Zim groaned and sat up, rubbing the spot where Gaz had hit him with Gir. Now what was he gonna do? Zim fell backwards and looked up at the sun, both hungry and a bit mad. The sun fell on his skin, boiling it as it did his brain. Zim looked up, seeing clearly the bodies of three large beasts flying overhead of him. He shut his eyes and dozed off again. He woke to find the beasts pecking at his side. There were sharp little pains as their beaks pecked into his flesh. He was too weak to move or fend them away, so he shut his eyes, groaning. He was most defiantly doomed.  
  
When he opened his eyes again, the sharp pains were still coming, but he was in a different setting. The sun was high in the sky, and there was sand, but over to the left were a pack of trees and tons of green hills. Zim looked over to where the sharp pains were coming from to see Gaz standing there kicking him in the side. He saw his crashed voot cruiser to the right of him and Gir playing in the sand to his left. Zim groaned and sat up, wondering where he was. Instantly he recognized the hills, trees, sand pit, and little flags everywhere. He was in a golf course, not in Death Valley! He wondered how he had crashed there when they hadn't anything to crash into. Suddenly it struck him and he hit his head. He had forgotten to fill the Voot's gas tanks in all of his hurry to kidnap someone! They must have run out of gas and then dropped here and he must have dreamt the whole thing!  
  
"You still have to take me home, ya know."  
  
[Camera zooms out on the two figures sitting in the sand pit and fades until it is black. When the camera focuses again, we are back at the doorway. Dib is standing there in his usual get-up with his hands behind his back looking importantly at the screen as Daft does. There's a big white 'X' band aid on his head from where his brain was removed and you wonder where Daft is.]  
  
Well my friends, we have witnessed the misuse of the brain. If Zim hadn't gotten to ahead of himself, then maybe he would have succeeded. Or not. Most likely not because Zim is a moron and we all know that he'll never succeed and doing anything. Well my friends, you just have to ask yourselves this question as you sit there and read this...IS Zim a Moron? The answer....Most Defiantly YES...Thank you for tuning in and....  
  
[Suddenly Daft hops out on screen with a spork looking psychotic. Dib looks over at her with a worried glance. Daft screams at Dib and rushes at him with the spork.]  
  
That's it Dib! This ends here! I didn't give you the disadvantage in this story, so why are you melting my readers' brains and locking me in the staff room? YOU MUST PAY!  
  
Uh...about that....the lock slipped...really....  
  
Oh, and I'm sure the chair and wood just magically nailed themselves to the door and blocked it....  
  
Uh.....  
  
[Dib turns and runs off as Daft steps in front of the screen.]  
  
Well, that's all for now. The exit's that way, hope you enjoyed this little broadcast of ours, feel free to comment and give us more ideas, we always love to hear what you have to say. Also, We're doing this contest where you could win a spot on the show as a guest appearance and get a mention for one of you're best stories. The rules are on the other page, have fun reading them! ^-^ Well, I must go now, I have a bone to pick with the Dib....Goodnight Everyone, and remember, The grass may seem greener on the other side, but usually it's not really grass at all....  
  
[Camera follows Daft as she walks to the exit door, opens it, and runs off, holding up the spork. You can hear screaming and insane laughter in the background as the camera falls down into the deep black hole. You swirl around and around until the camera stops and fades back in and you find yourself back where ever you were when you started this strange tale.]  
  
  
  
-----------------------------------------------------------------Rules on the Next Page for the AMAZING CONTEST!!!!----------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	2. Contest Rules!

Rules for the AMAZING, TOTALLY STUPID, BUT TIME FILLING, CONTEST THINGY!!!!!!! By Daft Plushie and Dementia.  
  
**Update! due to confusion, i have gotten book mentions about actuall books. What i really ment was a story YOU WROTE YOURSELF on FFN...those who sent in actuall book mentions will still be able to participate and be judged, but from now on, please just stories you wrote, IZ or not, i don't care. srry 4 the confusion ~Daft**  
  
Ok, so you've read the stories, you like the show...*i hope* and you want to be in it. There seems to be no way that you could do that unless you copy the show and reproduce it with yourself in it which would be totally copying this idea and stuff...BUT WAIT! There's an easier way! *No, I'm not on pot...* There truly is! Just enter this contest thing and you could get selected to make a guest appearance in the show and have a book mention *ya know, where i mention you're book and how good it was and brainwash everyone into reading in n' what not...* Read the rules and enter! yay!  
  
1-First! I'll need a bit of information about you, the standard, because I can't just go off you're name thingy and expect for it to be accurate n' stuff!  
  
2-I'll need you're book/story title that you want mentioned *this is also how I judge who goes on Dementia*  
  
3-Insanity rating. it helps me with what to make you say, I wouldn't' want to have some really crazy person come on and say something not crazy, or visa versa...can you imagine the boring-est man in the world *you know the guys I'm talking about 'dry eyes' guy* coming on and screaming utter nonsense at people? the rating is 1-10...1being sane, completely, 5 being sane at sometimes, raving at others, and 10 being that no one would understand what you were talking about because none of your words flow together with other words and well, let's face it, you're just babbling....  
  
4-You need to put your info in the reviews *info that i need is down there a ways, just wait n' you'll see it...* and then you wait and i'll e-mail you with your letter that accepts you and what eppy you'll be airing in! You can e-mail me back with further things or things you left out, or suggestions for comments. I can give you a run down on what exactly is going to happen so you can get an inside look and be able to suggest a few things. *BTW, I'm always open for suggestions for stories! If i do use your suggestion, then you'll get a mention ~_^*  
  
FINALLY! Info that I need from you!  
  
Name:(FFN alias, I don't really want your real name)  
  
Appearance:(Height *tall, short, ect.* hair color, eye color, usual clothing0  
  
Insanity Rating:(How insane are you? scale of 1-10)  
  
Book Mention:(What story do you think will win me over to let you on the show and mention you're book and get people to read it? It has to be a story that YOU'VE writen though...Go on, amuse me human...*j/k*)  
  
E-mail: (How else am I gonna correspond with you on the story?) ~Extra~  
  
Story Suggestions? Ok, so maybe you don't want to participate in the contest, maybe you'd rather suggest a story and get your fame by a great mentioning like "Tonight's Broadcast is brought to you by (Your name here) who suggested this twisted idea." or something like that...or maybe you DO want to enter the contest and better you're chances of winning something by suggesting a storyline too. Then if you don't win the guest appearance and book mention, at least you could still be mentioned as the person who thought up the story! ^-^ either way, there's gonna be winners!  
  
TRY IT OUT EVERYONE! IT'LL BE FUN AND IT'LL KEEP DEMENTIA FRESH AND TWISTED SO IT WON'T JUST GET OLD AND GO AWAY BECAUSE IT'S THE SAME EVERY TIME! Hey, an you might even get to interact with Dib! Yay! ^-^ Please try! It'll be a great and fun time filler! ^-^  
  
***Thankies ~Daft Plushie, host of Dementia *** 


End file.
